i-m-nobody

guess this is gonna be a long one... haha... don't bother it's nothing important... it's only some random stuffs... they don't worth any of your time reading... it's full of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes...

for the past few days... things has been hectic for me... getting the website done... meeting with clients... going to the bank to get my atm card fixed... getting my ums entry form done... and not forgetting... dealing with the people around me... who are giving me some pressures in life...

yeah... it's hectic and shitty i know... well... for some people my life isn't really as hectic or shitty as theirs... but hey... i'm not comparing here... so leave me alone... haha...

life is full of crap and full of shit... that's life... right...? hmmm... yeah... it's part of life... but it doesn't take control of our lives... no...? don't agree...? well at least for me... i don't think my life is entirely full of crap and shit... yeah... i do agree that my life does have some craps and some shits going on every now and then... but hey... are we missing something here...? what about the sweets and cotton candy in life...? why...? you're afraid of getting diabetes? that's why you need to always focus on the bitterness and suckyess of life...? haha... nevermind me... i always don't watch what i'm actually saying... i guess that's one of the many reasons why sometimes my life is shitty and crappy...

hmmm... humans... somehow... we prefer to be seen as a special person or at least get noticed by some people... i guess it's because of the egoness in us... we wanted to be unique and different... sometimes... we wonder if anyone would ever understands us... and yet... sometimes... we feel that there's no need for them to understand us because... it's pointless... or... it doesn't really matters... and so... there comes isolation... and hurt... and it could mean hurting ourselves... whether we know it or not... or it could also mean hurting the people that cares for us... but who cares right...? cause we don't really care anyway... sigh...

understanding one and other is hard... yeah... i know... we all like to keep it all to ourselves... and sometimes we wonder why people try to keep their feelings and emotions... well... i guess it will always be the ego issues... at least i know i am one of them... heck... sometimes i don't even understand myself either... hahaha... i even try to not understand myself too much... sigh... it's a joke alright... i mean... life... itself is really a joke for me...

sometimes... we thought we could just try to be a little more bubbly or talkative... or a little bit more cheerful... but it's all face value... deep down inside we're only faking it... and we're actually hiding all the bitterness inside... and when that someone cared for you noticed it... and wanted to share the burden... we just push them away... far... far... away... and when they tried to understand us... we will just shu them away... telling them to mind their own business... our problems are left for us to keep... hmmm... and sometimes we wonder... why on earth did we ever wanna do that... and when they told us it's our ego that's making us think this way... we would get even with them... screw the world... our life is for us to understand and not them... yeah... that's what kind of person i am... no...? unbelievable...? well... maybe i was wearing a mask all these while... and i have been acting pretty hard to hide the other side of me...

i don't know why i have been putting up a show for all these years... trying to hide my feelings... trying to hide my sadness and bitterness... maybe i just wan't people to think that i'm strong... that whatever shit and crap hits me... i can just go for a shower... and i will smell nice n clean again... but that is just a stupid kind of hypnotic skills i did on myself...

and i thought my new blog will never gonna have even one piece of emo crap in it... guess it can't be helped after all... i am a human being born with emotions after all... don't feel like reading more...? good... please don't bother to read more... it's really not important...

friends... who need friends anyway...? i have me by my side... as long as i'm alive and breathing... i don't need freinds... reminds me of the song "I am a rock" from simon and garfunckle (i guess that's how it's spelt)... and it reminds me even more on the recent ds game i'm playing... "The World Ends With You"...

when we are in a joyful mode... we tend to take things more generously... we tend to treat the people around us more nicely... we tend to not piss them off that much that's for sure... hahaha... but when we are pissed of the shits and craps of life... we will go destructive... we don't give a damn on anything... and we tried to change... or... at least... i tried...

words and speech can be the most deadliest weapon to hurt... or to kill... but it could also be a powerful healing and motivating device that could brings hope and happiness... we are given this gift of speech... and how are we going to utilize it...? to hurt... or to heal... that's the question...
but often times... we tend to get over excited and accidentally misused the gift of speech... i know i did... i always don't watch what i'm talking... and sometimes i don't even know that my speech has send a misunderstanding signal or just pissed someone off in purpose... hey... i really didn't know... well at least if i have said or did something wrong... just tell me... or else i won't know what's going on...

i guess this is long enough to bore you guys away before reading more... it's nothing important really... it's just me and my stupid blog... hahaha...

sometimes... i keep telling myself that i am really in fact a nobody... i don't play any roles in anyone's life... i shuld not expect everyone to accept me as somebody... i'm not that important anyway... and yet i still tried to screw it... i still tried to be an understanding person and a caring person whom will just fail in the process of doing so... i am a nobody... so why do i even wanna try...? i seriously don't know... ... ...end